So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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