I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
two words: eviction party
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
