it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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