I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
this is an emotional support booty call
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
