I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize