Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
They have beer where we have blood.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
