dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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