Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
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Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
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I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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