The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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