Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
