Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
