so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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