He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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