we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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