ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
