it was like his penis was on wheels.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
