I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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