You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup