McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day