So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you didnt know i had herpes?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
What is this nonsense on the table
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy