so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.