I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.