Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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