i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
