if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
pray to the hookup gods
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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