I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She said her name was "party"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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