I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
A+ Viking dick
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
