I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
