omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
