remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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