Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
