I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
