They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
