69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
