I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
