wanna go halves on a baby?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
