I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
