well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
