Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
