good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
