I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
