get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
you never un-have a 4some
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
