Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
