ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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