take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
there's paper in my vomit.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
