but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
this hospital has no fireball
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
