Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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