I want to make a zoo with you.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
