i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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