he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
