Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
