will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
