Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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