ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
