nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
