I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
