Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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