anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
