Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
