I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize