I will die if light touches me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
