the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
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Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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