I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
