Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
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The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
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Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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