TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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