I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
