Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
