He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
