Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
# Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.