I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
