I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
