I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
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For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
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The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.