Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Rumble strips road head = magical
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.