That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
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Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
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I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
True strength comes from lack of pants
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.