i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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