thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
