So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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