It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
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The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
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We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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