So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Sacagawea was the original milf.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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